One of the more challenging lessons I have come to learn is summed up quite nicely in the words of Henry David Thoreau. He reminds us that “the cost of anything is the amount of life we exchange for it.” This, of course, sent me down the rabbit hole of thinking more purposefully about how I spend my time and the moments I take for granted.

How much can we give of ourselves in pursuit of “it all”? What is “it all” anyway, and can one actually have “their cake and eat it too”? I say, yes. But not for free.

The Art of nothing

The Netflix time-warp that my husband and I would inevitably fall into in the quiet moments after the kids are asleep but before “adult bedtime,” for example. My brain, a text-book model of a browser with fifty different tabs open, almost exploded with how unproductive this time was. I could be doing many things: research, writing, knitting (yes, you read that right), studying, and the list goes on….Learning a language according to my browser history.

It slowly dawned on me that while this may look like the prime example of “unproductive”, I am sitting next to my husband. The love of my life and best friend – who I probably take for granted, despite my best efforts. We’re chatting, enjoying season three of The Crown (yes, you need to watch it) – and that is the lynchpin. We need to change our mindset regarding how we spend time and what we consider productive or unproductive.
Sure, I could log into my laptop and fire off a dozen emails. Or, I could sit with my love and enjoy the quiet that only comes when all three kids are sound asleep, dishes are done, the dog is walked, and lunches are packed for the next day.

Spending time with the people we love is never unproductive, no matter how menial the activity. It’s our chance to reconnect, to share a moment, to just be ourselves, un-apologetically together. Somewhere between smartphones and YouTube, we have forgotten that just because the internet can provide us with whatever we want in minutes doesn’t mean that every waking moment of our day needs to be spent “doing” something.

Having it all

When I think of “having it all,” for me, that means choosing a Netflix time-warp with my husband and devoting that time and attention to that activity. It means not splitting my attention between six different things at once. It means recognizing that if I don’t take these quiet moments, I will fail at having it all because I will let those most important to me down. Having it all doesn’t mean compromise. It doesn’t mean accomplishing a host of deliverables that can only be quantified by a select few at the end of the day. It means making clear and purposeful choices, understanding the consequences of those choices, and being able to justify to oneself the complete control they had in making them.

The cost of anything is the amount of life we exchange for it

Henry David Thoreau